Costco

Dear Costco,

Thanks for sending out another coupon book. I see you provided me with a coupon for your 30 count of Skittles/Starburst variety pack and noticed it includes Lifesaver Gummies. Apparently you have yet again, under estimated my lack of willpower. LIFESAVER GUMMIES!!!

Good call on the frozen pizza coupons (this brand actually made it into Fitness magazine!)

Bad call on the Diet Snapple coupon. Diet anything shouldn’t be given a coupon.

I’m not sure why I need 1,750 Q-tips, but they don’t expire so, why not!

I do see there is no age limit on the coupon for the Ultra Fortress Play System…does this mean I don’t need a child to purchase this wonderful contraption? Also do you also sell overly large trampolines?

Sincerely,

I Really Hope I Can’t Find The 30 Count Variety Pack

Costco

Dear Costco,

First I must commend you on hiding the 30 pack of candy bars, I can’t seem to find them anywhere now. I know you still have them, but good job from hiding them from me. However, I must continue this letter on a negative note.

I’m not really sure what you had your sample ladies making and handing out, but they stunk. I mean REALLY stunk. And there was a fruit-juice-natural sample guy just on the other side of the stinky samples and I think because he kept saying “it’s natural!” customers were assuming the wrong thing.

Lastly I must go off about your packaging. I purchased a 16-pack of razor refills, yes, just the tiny little cartridges that go on the end. They take up very little space in the package itself. However you would’ve thought I had bought a sword set! I could barely shove the package sideways into my car. Really I don’t need things to be over packaged just to feel better about spending the large wades of money your store sucks out of me. I assure you I will spend it regardless of the size package you’ve put it in.

Sincerely,

No Seriously, Where Are Those Candy Bars?!?!

The Problem

“I’m having a problem,” he said.

She waiting for more description, but it didn’t come.

“Can you solve your problem with a hammer?” she asked.

“It’d be awful messy,” he informed her.

“Can you solve your problem with a piece of candy?” she inquired.

“I would have to share,” he said. A frown appeared.

“Can you solve your problem with yelling and screaming?” she asked.

“One would think,” he said, shaking his head.

“Well I simply give up. I can’t help you solve your problem I guess,” she said and started to turn around.

He stopped her, placed his hand on her shoulder, and gently turned her back around. Pulling her close, he hugged her with all the strength of a hammer, with all the love of a sweet piece of candy, and with all the emotion of yelling and screaming.

***5 minute fiction extra*** What age is this couple???

The Fun of Editing

Yes, I know, I wrote that. But I am actually finding this millionth edit on my middle grade manuscript to be…fun.
 
I’ve been busy reading other middle grade books, helpful blogs, and books on how to make every little bit better and it is paying off.
 
Maybe it is because I’ve been doing it for so long that I’m learning the skill, maybe it’s because I’m reading more, maybe it’s critiquing other work that has shown me my own mistakes, or maybe it’s because I’m so exhausted from reading my own work, over and over again, that I have come up with better ideas, sentences, and words so that I don’t have to re-read the same thing over and over anymore.

Whatever the cause is, I’ve grown to love my red pen. (I did try purple and green, but those colors didn’t seem forceful enough to handle the importance of my edits) I no longer  use it to draw palm trees on the sides of my manuscripts, or see how long I can hold it between my teeth to keep me from eating the candy on my desk.
 
Quote for the day: “Marriage would be wonderful, dear,” she reassured me, “if it weren’t so everyday.” – Looking for Salvation at the Dairy Queen.

The Facebook Project – Day 3

Day 2 continued…

2:37 going crazy without Facebook. I’m reading in my college textbook, about prisons and it says “people are naturally social, to confine them is unnatural.” Someone help! I’ve caused myself to be unnatural!!!

4:04 my mind is not consumed by what others are doing, leaving me with lots of time to think about myself…too much thinking about myself.

6:34 during a commercial, so tempted to just look really quick at Facebook, eat candy instead.

I’m starting to become aware of the nagging little girl who I’ve spoken about before. (The one wearing flip-flops) She is telling me no one will know if I just get on Facebook really quick and look. I find it hard to believe her as she looks preoccupied chewing her Tootsie Roll Pop.

Day 3

I wake up in the morning, and I’m so NOT “feeling like P-Diddy.” For sure he has checked his Facebook account this morning.

10:57 starting to wonder why no one has noticed I’m not on Facebook…surely one of my Facebook “Friends” must miss me…

11:00 someone POKE ME!!!!!! dang it!!!

Starting to wonder if my time stamped thoughts posted on this blog is a “form of status updates” minus Facebook?!?!

12:34 probably is

The Facebook Project – Day 2

OK so this is how Day 1 started. With minutes to spare before noon, I freak and continually check Facebook.  I think I’m sweating…so nervous. I feel like I’m packing for a vacation to another country. Making sure everything is in order.
12:05 feeling like I don’t know what to do with my hand…fingers…stare at the ceiling fan for a while.

12:08 okay I can do this…put music on…it’s been a while (Laura Bell Bundy, Mavis Staples, Elvis)

12:29 dancing/singing in my chair…wonder what everyone is up too…one hour and I’m already curious.

1:09 first Facebook email…delete.

1:45 realize that I’m not getting much work done with the music on. Sitting in silence now, doodling on my notes, as I think about Facebook.

2:18 Facebook message, and Facebook email….going to have to save these….ughh…so want to open them!!

2:58 wondering if I’m having some kind of Facebook withdrawals…

4:12 withdrawals from Facebook, need food, almost break my tooth biting into a candy bar my husband brought home called a PayDay, disappointed with the PayDay, put the other half back into the cupboard.

5:38 puppy does something hysterical, dying to post status, everyone surely needs to hear this!!

6:50 making dinner, usually I check Facebook now.

8:09 so bored!
 
Day 2
6:23 up, taking care of dogs, no Facebook = feeling lonely.

10:11 I, for sure, am missing out on someone’s important Facebook news.

11:57 spill my soup all over my desk, me, my writing notes, and the chair. I’m convinced that I’m clumsy because of my lack of social networking. Also, this why I tell my husband not to eat at the desk.

Costco

Dear Costco,

Thank you for the brownie sample lady at one end of the store and the bread sample lady at the other end yesterday. However, your best decision was putting the energy drink sample man in the middle, it really kept my energy up as I went back and forth. But…please speak with the brownie sample lady as I found it rude when she slapped my hand away as I reached for my 7th sample.

Sincerely,

The 30 pack of candy bars is still within my reach

Costco

Dear Costco,

Since you have done such a great job handing out food and beverage samples, may I suggest you start giving out gasoline samples? I feel that providing gasoline samples would increase new memberships incredible, as well as get existing members switch to purchasing gasoline from you. And 15-gallons would be an adequate amount to properly test the gasoline quality.

Sincerely,

Simply relocating the 30-pack of candy bars didn’t work; I’m very good at hide and seek.

Costco

Dear Costco,

How nice of you to sell a convenient box of 30 candy bars. First I must recommend that you speak with the candy company and request they put more than three, 3 Musketeers, in there. On second had, please just stop selling these convenient boxes or put them on a shelf I can’t reach. I would like my waist and whanot to remain the same size.

Sincerely,

I’ve Already Eaten One Bar